Tuesday, May 13, 2003

Damn you! Damn you all to Hell!
I laughed out loud when I read this headline Monkeys Wreck Typewriter Theory. (Sorry, you have to pay to view this one, there's another link below)

A group of British researchers decided to put the old theory about an infinite number of monkeys and an infinite number of typewriters to the test. Although they didn't use an infinite number of monkeys, their findings suggest that our simian friends probably wouldn't produce the complete works of Shakespeare as suggested in the old adage, however, with their skill at repetition, they could maybe get a job with Fox news.

primates left alone with a computer attacked the machine and failed to produce a single word.
"They pressed a lot of Ss,'' researcher Mike Phillips said yesterday. "And the lead male got a stone and started bashing the hell out of it.''
"Another thing they were interested in was in defecating and urinating all over the keyboard,'' he added.
Eventually, monkeys Elmo, Gum, Heather, Holly, Mistletoe and Rowan produced five pages of text, composed primarily of the letter S.

Later, the letters A, J, L and M crept in.

It is my understanding that Fox news picked up their manuscript off a newswire and ran with it. As we've learned through the Iraq war, repeat something often enough and it becomes true; now loyal Fox viewers are threatening violent action against anyone who opposes the widespread, uninhibited use of the letter 'S.'

Here's a link you can click on without paying. the headline isn't as funny though.
The work was interesting but had little scientific value, except to show that the 'infinite monkey' theory is flawed.
posted by Sarkasba  # 8:33 AM

Monday, May 05, 2003

Hey, I distinctly remembered getting suckered into at least two Free Trade agreements.
How come every time Free Trade works out in Canada's favour, the US administration hits us with a crippling tariff? Is it because Free Trade was only ever designed to benefit the USA?
For those people who think the US government will punish us financially for not going war-tripping with them, guess what; this is how they've been treating us since Gulf War 1, and we went along with that one. Face it - Washington is going to punish us whenever it suits their needs, whether we join their stinkin' wars or not!
Quote: "Bush and the Americans simply use Nafta as a way of giving their industry protectionist cover"
Can't accept that? Ask anyone who works in the Canadian wheat, softwood lumber, oil, hydro or water industries how they've been treated in the past ten years by the US admin. You'll be surprised at how we were 'rewarded' for our contribution to Desert Storm.
UPDATE: Now it's blueberries. The US pushed for Free Trade, the US should honour it!!
posted by Sarkasba  # 4:28 PM
Headline of the year
Love it: U.S. says Canada cares too much about liberties

posted by Sarkasba  # 4:17 PM

Wednesday, April 30, 2003

Pass the chips, dude!
Canada is going to decriminalize marijuana!

Soon we'll be able to head on down to Zellers and pick up a wizard bong

But before you spark up a fattie at your local patio, keep in mind that it will still be illegal. But it will be illegal in the way that speeding is illegal, or parking in a handicapped spot. Says Prime Minsiter Jean Chretien: "So you will have another ticket, for losing your senses, or something like that."

But it hasn't been passed into law yet, so the PM has these words of warning: "Don't start to smoke yet," he quickly cautioned the celebrants in the audience.

Ah, our always quotable PM. I bet he's stoned right now.
posted by Sarkasba  # 3:30 PM

Thursday, April 24, 2003

Ha ha ha!
Quote of the year:
"George W. never makes anyone feel less intelligent than he,"
(scroll all the way down, 3rd last paragraph)
posted by Sarkasba  # 11:56 AM
some baby steps towards justice...
France is preparing to duck the wrath of the empire. But they can take heart that the "irrelevant" UN is gearing up to do what it was designed to do; keep warlords and imperialists in check. This article from Intelligence Digest (hopefully) marks the beginning of a more in-depth international investigation into Dubya's little war. Here's hoping that the UN is ready to show the world that even white Christian countries can be charged with war crimes:
Dr Blix mentioned technical flaws in the dossiers, especially a failure to realise that documents alleging an Iraqi attempt to buy uranium from Niger were forgeries.
"There were three planks in the argument," he said. "The first was to find links between Iraq and 11 September and when that failed, between Iraq and al-Qaeda. The second was to find weapons of mass destruction and the third was the human rights issue. Only the third plank remains and the details of those human rights abuses were well-known and cobbled together in a document which was a cut-and-paste job from other publications. He concluded: "There has been a dereliction of duty."

There has been a dereliction of duty, morality, honesty as well as an abuse of power. I will wholeheartedly support any nation that puts its weight behind this investigation.
posted by Sarkasba  # 11:15 AM

Sunday, April 13, 2003

25,000 'Evangelical Christian Soldiers' poised to invade Iraq
Billy Graham's Southern Baptist thugs are preparing to add insult to the injuries already suffered by Arab people over the last few weeks.

'Spiritual warfare' looms
Washington is trying to portray its battle as one of liberation, not conquest, but Iraq is about to be invaded by thousands of U.S. evangelical missionaries who say they are bent on a "spiritual warfare" campaign to convert the country's Muslims to Christianity.
Among the largest aid groups preparing to provide humanitarian assistance to Iraqis ravaged by the war are a number of Christian charities based in the southern United States that make no secret of their desire to spread the gospel of Jesus Christ and win over Muslim souls.

I've been repeatedly outraged by this war, but this is the icing on the cake. Isn't it enough to take a person's home, his leg, or his life? Now you want his soul as well?
Shame on the people who are behind this; there is a special place in hell for you who agressively try to win souls, right between the fundamentalists and the fascists.

Thanks to David Neiwert for this link. I'm going to go fume about this now to anyone who'll listen.

posted by Sarkasba  # 3:13 PM
Everyone's had lots of chances to hear from the embedded reporters. Here's an intersting viewpoint from an 'unembedded' CBC reporter who attempted to make daily forays to the frontlines, with limited success.

What, I ask, is so different about Saddam Hussein's henchmen expelling journalists from Iraq and American soldiers expelling journalists from Iraq? Nothing. Nor does it correspond to the cherished values of freedom and independence that George Bush wants Iraqis to adopt once their homeland has been "liberated." That's just the humble opinion of one frustrated, "un-embedded" reporter.
posted by Sarkasba  # 3:02 PM
The Pot calling the Kettle Black
Of course, it's just speculation, but here's what some commentators have to say about Bush postponing his Ottawa visit indefinitely

Some media commentators have speculated that Bush might choose to not visit Canada until Chretien is replaced as prime minister.

What, Bush doesn't like democratically elected leaders? Has a problem with other world leaders who don't hang off America's every command? Or is it because he's French, er, I mean 'Freedom?'

Honestly I think that Bush will be cancelling a lot of foreign visits, but its probably due to the fact that foreigners' opinions are beyond the reach of BushCo. He might be subjected to people like me and millions of others who won't be afraid to tell him what they think of his foreign policy.

posted by Sarkasba  # 2:47 PM

Friday, April 11, 2003

Ha ha ha!
from the same article mentioned below:
While reaffirming his decision not to support the war, [Prime Minister] Chretien said it would be understandable if [Bush's planned visit to Ottawa] were postponed, given Bush's agenda these days.
Hell yeah; "Sorry, Jean, but I'm plumb tied up with world domination until the end of 2004..."

posted by Sarkasba  # 7:16 PM
We can all still be friends
Just heard another radio DJ carrying on about how we weren't there for our friends in their recent crusade. "what kind of friends are we" they keep asking.
We're the kind of friends who don't slobber along behind the cool kid agreeing to every ill-advised misadventure. Doesn't mean we aren't friends, it just means we can make our own decisions.
I'm proud of Canada for finally taking a stand. Maybe our government can use their newfound courage to renegotiate the FTAA to get maybe one or two clauses in our favour? I guess that's probably asking too much.

I think that the good American people are having their rights stripped away by Dubya and the 43rd Reich. I'm afraid that mainstream USA isn't noticing. As friends, we need to help point out this looming tragedy. Not to find fault with them, but because, as that radio DJ said, we need to be there for our friends.

Update: here's a Canadian who has a considerably more thought-provoking stance on all the 'best friend' talk than I do. I hope this story doesn't repeat itself... Keep the refugees coming, we've got the space for 'em.

posted by Sarkasba  # 5:24 PM
US Ambassador's threat
Update: I fixed the link problem. Here is the article about US Ambassador Paul Cellucci's speech about how 'disappointed' the US is with Canada, including all the thinly veiled threats of economic repercussions.

posted by Sarkasba  # 9:29 AM
That's what Friends are for?
Canadians on the right have been ringing their hands crying about how the Americans are going to punish us economically if we don't go on their little Mideast road trip with them (next stop, syria?). Their ambassador Paul Cellucci even went so far as to threaten us for sitting it out!!!
And they keep using the language of 'friends' and 'family.' They say we should stand by our friends, and they're right, but friends don't bully friends into doing what they don't want to do. Friends don't threaten punishment for doing your own thing. I was done with that kind of friendship in grade 6.
Is this a sign that we need to maybe give our big buddy a little breathing space until their crazies go away?
If your best friend was violently drunk, wouldn't you maybe let them cool off alone while you socialize with someone else?
We sat out of Vietnam too, for similar reasons. Where are the repercussions?
We jumped right in for Gulf War 1. How come our friends are still shouting us down every time we try to resolve a trade dispute that works out in their favour?
Maybe we need to diversify our trading partners a bit. Maybe we need to beef up our military a bit.
Cause guess what- we have 10% of the worlds fresh water... just about every scientific and environmental group predicts a worldwide fresh water shortage within 20 years. We'd better be damn well ready to protect our 'oil'
Cellucci says the US wouldn't hesitate to protect us if we were attacked. Of course, they need to protect their supply of our gas, water and lumber.
Read posted by Sarkasba  # 9:25 AM

Thursday, April 10, 2003

Who Wants to be a Corporate Shill?
You'd think Pepsi would have learned from that whole pepsi-points fighter plane experience. Apparently not...
[PepsiCo] has announced the May 1 launch of a summertime promotion, "Play for a Billion," in which consumers will compete for large cash prizes, including a potential ultimate payout of $1 billion in September.
The winner will hold a multi-digit number. In order for him to become a billionaire, the number must exactly match a number to be drawn at random on live TV. "An unusually dexterous monkey" will do the picking, says executive producer Matti Leshem. "It's the ultimate slap in the face to evolution: the fate of a billion dollars will be in the hands of a monkey."
I remember when people made fun of the stupidly obvious product placement in Reality TV. Now we're looking at stupidly obvious reality placement in Product TV.
I bet the kid who won the 'highly unlikely' fighter plane is already lining up for this one.

Update: I tried and tried, but that story of the kid who got enough pepsi points to earn an f-14 Tomcat seems to have been banished by from the web. Has the Ministry of Truth been at it again, or is the story just too old to take up server space? it was in the mid to late nineties. If you can find it, send me the link!
posted by Sarkasba  # 2:03 PM


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